Ted Nugent on His Never-Ending Tour Life: “I Never Used the R-Word”

Ted Nugent, 76 years old and still grinding away, is back on stage after his farewell tour. Not because he changed his mind. Because, according to him, he never used the word retire. That was everyone else’s mistake.

“I never used the word ‘retire’… I made it quite clear that I still crave to play,” Nugent said, possibly while cradling a gun and glaring at a hotel room he refused to stay in. His new “SpeakEzy Rockout” shows will celebrate the 50th anniversary of “Stranglehold”, a song that has probably outlived most of its original listeners.

The reason for this un-retirement? Dogs. Dogs that look sad when he leaves. Dogs that explode when he comes home. Also, welders. “I got old buddies that still weld… one of ’em is 86 years old.” The implication is that if old men can still melt steel, old men can still play guitar.

Of course this means getting on the road again, which he hates. “Hotels are jail. I hate jail… A hotel room is jail.” He has deep personal beef with the TSA, preferring instead to only travel by private jet, because “if somebody doesn’t send a jet, I don’t go anywhere.” A lifestyle choice most working musicians can definitely relate to.

Nugent, whose music career is now mostly footnoted by his political outbursts, insists he will “always play music” because he “still craves it.” He just won’t be “swinging from ropes” or “wearing a loincloth” anymore. Which is a real tragedy for the loincloth industry.

Fans who thought they had seen the last of Uncle Ted’s guitar flamethrower routine were wrong. He will keep playing, whenever he feels like it. But only for special occasions, corporate gigs, and situations where someone sends a jet.

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